


.tell the world (i'm coming home)

by aquatulip



Series: let the rain wash away (all the pain of yesterday) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1202410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquatulip/pseuds/aquatulip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i think i inhaled you when we kissed that one day. do you remember that?<br/>i think you are stuck in my lungs.</p><p>armin i don’t want to sleep alone anymore</p>
            </blockquote>





	.tell the world (i'm coming home)

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Armin died in a car accident and Eren texts him all the time despite how useless that is.

**_jan. 13, 2011_ **

“Eren,  _stop_.” Mikasa’s voice is strained; she sounds tired: dressed in all black, she looks like the night sky and Eren struggles to look away from her for a stunned minute. He’s in the midst of writing a message to Armin – a message that Armin won’t get, but Eren is still going to send. Everyone sounds tired nowadays; Eren feels ready to collapse.

            they all said they would come to your funeral. i bought flowers, the kind you like   
            *liked   
            can you like flowers from heaven?   
is there a heaven?

 

Tears flood to Eren’s eyes, he looks up at Mikasa with wide, green eyes that  _plead_  for her to understand; no one else has even tried to. It took several hours for him to convince Armin’s parents that he would pay the phone bill:  _please don’t turn it off for the love of god it is the only way I can talk to him._

**_june 5, 2011_ **

            i’m slightly drunk, armin  
            you’d get a kick outta this  
            i threw up on jean, but he just gave me a sad look i don’t know why  
            when you were alive i thought you were celestial (is that the word)  
there were universes in your eyes, and stardust flowed through your veins.   
armin, you looked like an angel in your coffin  
            armin why did you leave

—

**_june 29, 2011_ **

            did you love me, i wonder?  
            because fuck did i love you armin (i love you so much that it hurts to exhale most days)  
i think i inhaled you when we kissed that one day. do you remember that?  
i think you are stuck in my lungs.

armin i don’t want to sleep alone anymore

—

**_july 12, 2011_ **

mom says stop talking to you  
dad diagnosed me with some mental disorder. probably depression though  
            they say they lost you too but they don’t understand because they didn’t lose their best friend or the love of their life and they sure as fuck didn’t lose their son. i spend a lot of time with your mom and we pray sometimes, even though i never used to pray. i am just looking for a way for you to hear me, please, oh god armin can you hear me?

you know how you always wanted me to come out to my parents, tell them everything about us. i did when they told me to stop messaging you. now they won’t look at me and i’m in my bedroom and it is five in the morning and i have never cried this hard in my life i want you back so badly. why did you leave? why you and not somebody else?   
            why couldn’t i have died – i want to

—

**_oct. 21, 2011_ **

do you remember the song we danced to at prom i forgot the title and mikasa is at a friend’s house?

—

**_nov. 3, 2011_ **

            happy birthday i made you a mixtape if you want to listen to it with me that would be cool. i know you left, but you can come back somehow, right?

—

**_nov. 24, 2011_ **

            when i was 15 (have i told you this story???) i wanted to kill myself, but i fucked up and then you climbed through my window and i think I fell in love right then, but also i think i’ve been in love with you for forever idk.   
            mom told me to move on. to forget you and move on. would you want that?

of course you would.

—

**_jan. 4, 2012_ **

oh god why aren’t you here anymore

            where are you???  
            why can’t i find you????

—

**_jan. 11, 2012_ **

            holy shit my whole body aches my soul craves for you. i feel the pain of tomorrow and it is only today. i’m out of breath and i fear i may drown.   
would that bring me closer to you? i want to see the universes in your eyes and the smile on your face. oh my god i want to see you smile i want to kiss you where are you why did you leave i can’t keep going on like this. i miss you so much that i’ve scattered our pictures onto my floor. i see you in so many situations with so many expressions and i miss your smile most of all. even though your eyes looked like the ocean, your lips tasted like home.   
i want to go home again.

            you are home for me armin you’ve made me homeless

—

**_march 21, 2012_ **

i was listening to love will tear us apart and hahaha that was kind of true in a stupid way  
did you even like fall out boy or was that just me??

—

**_march 22, 2012_ **

            if reincarnation is an actual thing will you find your way back to me?   
if not, that is ok i just hope you still exist. even if it is in the air i breathe.   

—

**_march 30, 2012_ **

            i would do anything for you to be alive and for me to be dead  
anything, armin. i would do anything for you. i miss you madly please come home

Quiet shuffling: Mikasa gazes at Eren with large eyes as he watches as his messages don’t send; all of them just tell him to  _resend?_ , with an enraged shriek, Eren tosses his phone across the room, sinking further into his blankets. “They shut his phone off, Eren.” She says softly, combing her hair through his hair when she reaches him.

            “I can’t talk to him anymore?” For a twenty-three year old, he looks pathetic with blackened rings underneath his eyes and trembling lips that quake as though the world is about to split apart. “He can’t hear me anymore.” Tears pool in his eyes, but he grits his teeth against the annoying prickling feeling.

Mikasa shakes her head; Eren vaguely remembers putting his fist through the wall. All the bones in his right hand making a satisfying  _snap_ ping sound as the wall caves in around his fist. His knuckles are bruised; his hand aches.

            His heart stutters sadly; Armin isn’t coming home. 


End file.
